Complexity of self and absurdity

What is it that makes me smile? Familiar sounds that bring back memories and thoughts of enjoyment. “Only to be with you” track and the percussive rhythm reminds me of Runaway Bride and the quest for a relationship that ends up being a quest for a relationship with self. How well do we know ourselves? Do we take the time to be engaged with our minds, souls, and emotions to really learn who we are? Do we dig deep inside of our personhood to determine what we are looking for?

We are all incomplete and in search of that certain something or someone that will end up completing the complicated story of ourselves, or at least adding many wonderful twists and turns to complement the narrative. It seems that we believe that can be met by one miraculous person when the reality seems much more complicated. We are complex beings with complex and intertwining needs.

Yet we think that just one person can fulfill this complexity? We are certainly naïve and buy into the fairy tale that we are marketed on a daily basis. ‘A knight in shining armor’ who will tell us how wonderful we are, how smart we are, how beautiful we are: someone who will see our complexity and not only validate it, but complicate it more in positive and nourishing ways.

It’s dangerous. It’s a belief that seems to put undue pressure on everyone involved in the process. ‘Whose gonna ride your wild horses?’ We don’t recognize our innate wildness. We, for some unknown reason, a social conditioning perhaps, ask of one other person to help nourish this unpredictability. Our essence is both white and black and all the shades of grey in between. In fact, we are all the colors in a vast spectrum of rainbow assortments, including “natural” colors that we find among plants, animals, and other living things – bright blues and yellows, vibrant oranges and purples, as well as more subdued browns and greys – how is it even possible for one person to get all of that? How absurd!

Freeing… absolutely freeing to think of this in a new way. I can be all the things that I am and it is not a bad thing to recognize that it is likely that one person alone is not capable of nourishing that vastness. And that’s what friends are for. Beautiful magnificence!

– Written in 2008

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